The untold historical past of Godzilla

The untold history of Godzilla

A brand new Godzilla film has arrived, able to terrorize moviegoers (and Bryan Cranston). The King of the Monsters has an extended historical past in cinema, however he is additionally no stranger to video video games. The enormous lizard is tailored for video video games, actually. He is adept at smashing buildings and preventing monsters, he is obtained atomic breath and, maybe most significantly, he is a big lizard.

Godzilla’s a celebrity, alright, however we needed to have fun the unsung heroes of any encounter with the mighty Gojira: the town municipal staff. In any case, somebody has to cope with Godzilla’s mess, proper?

1988: Godzilla: Monster of Monsters – NES

From: Hank Lundy, DPW To: Municipal Authority Topic: RE: Godzilla Diversion Plan Recap Date: Might 12, 1988


I simply needed to catch everybody up on the progress of this yr’s Godzilla diversion plan. As of final night time, I am able to declare the trouble an entire success. We managed to tranquilize Godzilla and cargo him onto a spacecraft, after which he was transported to the moon. Upon arrival, our chief engineer, Frank Wills, poked the beast’s toe with a scorching poker whereas exclaiming, “Look on the market, it is planet Earth!” Frank is not with us, however his sacrifice won’t be forgotten.

Suffice it to say that the ruse finally labored. Godzilla purchased it, lock, inventory and barrel, and commenced to terrorize the moon. Sadly, our automated jets, laser cannons and missile platforms have been no match for him, and almost all of them have been destroyed by the lizard’s horrible, horrible wrath. These automobiles represented an enormous technological and monetary funding on our half, however I consider it was value it. I am positive Frank would agree.

As an added bonus, Godzilla’s presence appears to have attracted many different menacing monsters, which ought to give us some aid subsequent yr.

Crack open the champagne, people. He is the moon’s drawback now.

Hank Lundy Director, Division of Public Works

From: Sandra Collins, Division of the Treasury To: Hank Lundy Topic: Godzilla Diversion Plan Success? Date: Might thirteen, 1988


Have you ever misplaced your thoughts? I do not understand how you railroaded this proposal via the town council, however that is probably the most egregious misuse of taxpayer dollars I’ve ever seen in my years as Treasurer. I have been reviewing the tapes on the workplace VCR, and all I see are piles of money flying out the window. Spaceships? Laser cannons? Automated jets? The R&D alone has value the town billions. We do not even have one billion within the treasury, and I do not know the way you acquired the remaining (frankly I do not need to know).

And let me ask you one thing. When you had a tranquilizer highly effective sufficient to incapacitate Godzilla, the King of the F*&%ing Monsters, why on God’s inexperienced earth are we sending him into area? Simply shove him again into the ocean and be finished with it! Hell, carve him up and remedy the town’s starvation drawback.

However no. Hank Lundy had a greater concept. Let’s plunge the town into an eternity of inescapable debt and launch Godzilla into area. Whereas we’re at it, let’s ensure he is good and pissed when he will get there, making certain that he’ll utterly irradiate the moon earlier than destabilizing its orbit, sending it crashing to Earth in an inevitable tailspin.

Which jogs my memory, NASA retains calling. Examine your damned messages.

Sandra Collins Treasurer

1989: Revenge of Shinobi – Genesis (Unlicensed cameo)

From: Sandra Collins, Division of the Treasury To: Municipal Authority Topic: Ninjas?! Date: December 2, 1989


As grateful as I’m to our Japanese pals for serving to us restore the moon’s orbit, I can’t consider we’re going together with Hank’s new plan this yr. I respect Japan’s help, particularly in consideration of the big, multi-generational debt we owe them, however critically: A freaking ninja? Towards Godzilla?

I am washing my arms of this.

1990: Godzilla – Recreation Boy

Answering Machine Message RE: Big Labyrinth Development From: Bob Jones, Metropolis Council Chairman To: Hank Lundy, DPW Recorded December 1990

1993: Tremendous Godzilla – SNES


It’s the opinion of this workplace that publicly funded options to the rising monster drawback have been grossly ineffective and shortsighted. Director Lundy’s backing of myriad diversion plans, together with the puzzle labyrinth debacle of ‘ninety, demonstrates an inherent lack of imaginative and prescient that has plagued each main metropolis that draws these massive-footed terrors. A brand new initiative developed alongside Japan’s Tremendous X Floor and Air Self-Protection Drive will lead us into a brand new period of not simply financial prosperity, however a time of Godzilla integration relatively than deflection.

Our pals from Japan have fitted previous ‘Zilla with a transmitter that may permit us to take direct management of his thoughts and physique. They’ve already began area exams in Tokyo. You’ll be able to see it for your self within the footage I had despatched to the council chambers. Working along side conventional army know-how, Godzilla will stomp out no matter tentacled mutant we level him at. Gigan or Screech or regardless of the hell this week’s freak is, we’ll have Godzilla on level.

Will there be casualties and property injury? Definitely, however we will flip this already assured destruction into an enormous job progress alternative. Each constructing or street destroyed through the use of Godzilla as a weapon means a whole lot of latest jobs. URBAN RENEWAL, PEOPLE! The general public is comfortable, Godzilla’s pleased. We’re on the cusp of nice issues.

Answering Machine Message RE: Godzilla Thoughts Management From: Sandra Collins, Division of the Treasury To: Christopher Dembowski, Senior VP of Planning DPW Recorded November 1993

1998: Godzilla Generations – Dreamcast

From: Hank Lundy, DPW (hlundy@dpw.cor) To: Bob Jones, Metropolis Council Chairman (bigbob@CC.cor) Topic: Overthinking Godzilla Date: November 1, 1998


I figured I might save the remainder of the council some hassle this yr and simply submit this on to you. I feel we have been overthinking Godzilla for the previous few years. All this effort spent on new know-how, when the actual reply is to go low-tech. I am speaking about cardboard, Bob. We construct a precise, full-measurement duplicate of the town out of cardboard. Godzilla will not even discover. I’ve acquired contractors standing by. Simply give the phrase.


From: Bob Jones, Metropolis Council Chairman (bigbob@CC.cor) To: Hank Lundy, DPW (hlundy@dpw.cor) Topic: RE: Overthinking Godzilla Date: November three, 1998


Like it.

B. – Despatched from my model new Blackberry telephone J

2002: Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters Melee – GameCube, Xbox

From: Sandra Collins, Division of the Treasury (scollins@dt.cor) To: Bob Jones, Metropolis Council Chairman (bigbob@CC.cor) CC: Hank Lundy, DPW (hlundy@dpw.cor) Topic: HOW ABOUT THIS FANTASTIC PLAN? Date: October three, 2002


I have been crucial of the DPW’s dealing with of Godzilla readiness planning during the last a number of years, however I’ve determined to show a brand new leaf. The truth is, I’ve even grown to like Hank’s sensible cardboard scheme from 4 years in the past. Positive, I did not even discover out about it till I noticed the primary paper-skinny excessive-rise going up. And sure, it did nothing however distract Godzilla earlier than he destroyed the actual metropolis instantly adjoining to the pretend one. Nonetheless, I’ve come to understand the best way Hank thinks outdoors of the field, and I’ve determined to submit my very own plan this yr.

How about we simply say screw the town? Let Godzilla and his buddies simply duke it out. Let’s not even defend the town. Simply let all of it burn to the bottom. Hell, why do not we put it on Pay-Per-View? We will revenue off of a monstrous boxing match staged over an enormous pile of rubble and human distress. God is aware of we might use the cash.

HOW ABOUT THAT? SOUND GOOD? Perhaps we’ll get fortunate and Godzilla will scoop you all up and choke on you. It is higher than you deserve.


Voice Mail RE: Godzilla Pay-Per-View From: Bob Jones, Metropolis Council Chairman To: Sandra Collins, Division of the Treasury Recorded October 2002

From: Sandra Collins, Division of the Treasury (scollins@dt.cor) To: Bob Jones, Metropolis Council Chairman (bigbob@CC.cor) CC: Hank Lundy, DPW (hlundy@dpw.cor) Topic: [empty]

I give up.

[Image: Toho]

This text was initially revealed on Joystiq.

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